


A Promise to Ryan

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, episode-related, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-30
Updated: 2005-08-30
Packaged: 2017-11-01 06:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/352935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex is there for Clark after Ryan dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Promise to Ryan

## A Promise to Ryan

by LBM

[]()

* * *

The surgery hadn't been successful, at least not in Clark's eyes. 

Five days was all that was gained. Five days of laughter with the closet thing to a sibling he would ever know. Five days of headaches so intense Ryan squeezed Clark's hand hard enough for him to feel pain. Five days of sharing secrets and wishes with each other that no one else in their lives would ever be privy to. Five days of nosebleeds, cold sweats, and never ending tears over the pain of never seeing beyond his mere thirteen years. Five days of slowly witnessing the strength, essence and life drain from his young friends body. 

Lex had told him that his deepest regret was that he hadn't been at his mother's side when she'd passed, and Clark would not make that same mistake. He was with his friend when he died. He'd held his hand as his body began to convulse. He'd watched his chest rise and fall for the final time. He'd felt the gust of air released on his final exhale. And when the light was gone from his eyes, he'd gently shut the eyes that had once looked up to him as a friend. As his savior. 

He'd held Ryan's cold, slack hand for over an hour before a nurse came in and gently pulled him away from his friend and out into the hall. 

"Is there anyone you would like for me to call for you?" the nursed asked as the tears began to well in red-rimmed eyes. 

His logical mind told him to say "his parents, the Kents", but what came out was "Lex Luthor, please." 

The kind woman asked if he could wait in the private waiting area while the nurses took care of Ryan but when Clark just stood there staring down at the ground, she guided him to the small room herself. 

"Hey, are you going to be all right here by yourself while you wait for Mr. Luthor?" she asked. 

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you" was his quiet response. 

Clark was now alone in the tiny room. The room was eerily silent except for the large clock that ticked away on the wall. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. A tick for each second that passed. Tick. Another second of Ryan's body growing colder. Tick. Tick. 

And with each passing tick, Clark could feel the ball of emotions that he had been barely containing for the past five days beginning to build in his gut. The nausea hit him so quickly that he barely made it to the bathroom before the meager contents of his stomach spilled into the toilet. Despite the fact that he had barely put any food in his body in the last few days, his stomach continued to twist and heave until his sides ached and his temples pounded. And he wasn't sure if the tears pouring down his face were from the agonizing dry heaving or from the crushing pain in his heart. 

After what seemed like forever, his stomach stilled and he was able to get up and wash the tears and vomit from his face. 

As he glanced at his reflection in the mirror, he wasn't at all shocked to see the dark circled and bloodshot eyes or the paleness of his once golden toned skin. His hair was disheveled and his clothes were wrinkled. He looked on the outside almost as bad as he felt on the inside. 

Instead of returning to the waiting area to wait for Lex to arrive, his feet guided his to Ryan's room. As he walked in, he felt his stomach twist again. 

Before him was a perfectly empty bed. No Ryan. No pillow. No sheets. The only thing that remained were his friend's Warrior Angel comics neatly stacked on the mattress. He had given them to the kid just a few days ago. Ryan had been alive just a few minutes ago. Was this all that was left of Ryan? Were these few pieces of meaningless paper the only evidence that he had existed or mattered in this world? As he reached over and picked up the comics, the fact that Ryan was gone and never coming back struck him like a bullet in the heart. But he couldn't allow himself to let go just yet. Not yet. 

Clark took the comics and stepped into the hallway. Doctors, and nurses, and patients were all around him. Everyone had a destination. Something they should be doing right now. But he had no idea what he should be doing now. All of these people around him were unaware of the very special person that had just died and it broke his heart even more. The world was still turning for them, but to him it was going slower and slower almost as if it were going to stop. 

Clark didn't know how long he had been standing in that particular spot when he heard Lex call his name. It sounded as if he were calling through a tunnel, but when he looked up Lex was standing right in from of him with a mixed look on his face. It was part concerned, part sympathetic, and part understanding. Rational Clark hated that he'd caused that look, but right now Grieving Clark couldn't bring himself to care. 

"Clark, don't worry about anything, okay. I'll take care of Ryan. I promise. Let's get you home, alright?" 

"Yes, Lex. Thank you" Clark answered in a strange hollow voice that warned Lex that Clark was closed to the edge. 

Lex didn't want to make his friend feel uncomfortable by physically guiding him to the car, so he just walked close enough so that he could guide or grab him if needed. He knew that Clark had pretty much refused to leave Ryan's side for the last five days, and that in that time he had neglected to take care of himself at all. Neither he nor the Kents had been able to force him to eat a real meal. He hadn't slept at all for fear that Ryan would pass while he rested, and his parents had brought him changes of clothes. Lex had threatened the hospital staff and told them if they tried to make Clark leave that he would do whatever was in his power to make them wish they hadn't. 

Clark's friendship meant more to Lex that anyone realized, and he would do anything to help him. He'd gotten the Kent's temporary custody of Ryan. He'd found Dr. Burton. He'd paid for the surgery and hospital stay. But it hadn't been enough. Once again, he hadn't been able to save someone that mattered. And now, he'd had to sit idly by for the last few days and watch Clark watch Ryan died. 

Lex hadn't known the boy well, but he knew what it was like to loose a brother, and he knew the hell that Clark was about to face. 

Both boys continued to walk the seemingly never-ending halls of the hospital. As they turned the final corner that led to the front exit, Lex noticed that Clark had suddenly stopped walking and now seemed to be swaying on his feet a little. Lex grabbed Clark's nearest arm just as his knees where giving way and was thankfully able to keep him from collapsing. Clark placed his other hand on the wall nearest him and took a couple of deep breaths. 

"Clark! Oh my god...should I get a doctor?" 

"No, Lex. I'm fine. I'm sorry. I just got a little dizzy. Can we just go, please?" 

"Of course. Whatever you want." 

Lex made sure that Clark was able to stand before he released his grasp on him. As they once again started walking, Lex lightly rested in hand on the small of Clark's back to let his friend know he was there if needed. It only took them another minute to make it to the car, and once they were both inside Clark let out a long, shaky breath. Lex heard the shaky exhale and had to swallow down the lump forming in his own throat. 

"Clark, I....I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry about Ry-" 

"Lex, please. Don't. Not yet. I can't do this yet....I have to tell my parents he's dea....gone, first" Clark said in a dry, raspy voice. 

"Okay" was Lex's reply as he started the engine and drove off in the direction of the Kent Farm. 

The drive was silent. The only sounds were the revving of the engine and the changes in gears. A few times Lex dared to glance at his friend who was staring out of the window looking at nothing in particular. Lex noticed that he looked almost nothing like the person he'd befriended almost two years ago. Of course, he still had the same handsome, chiseled features, although they were now gaunt and pale. But the thing that stuck Lex was that the light and glow that made Clark Kent 'Clark Kent' was gone. He looked like a ghost of his former self. And Lex had to once again swallow the lump in his throat. 

After about fifteen minutes of driving in unbearable silence, Clark cleared his throat and slowly changed his position in the seat so that he was looking forward. 

"Lex, pull over." 

"Why, Clark? What's wron-" 

"Pull over now!" 

Lex quickly pulled over and shut off the engine. Before Lex could ask what was wrong, Clark was out of the door and running into the nearby field. Lex quickly opened his door and went after him. As he was rounding the front of the car, he could see that Clark had collapsed to his knees only a few yards away and was silently dry heaving. He quickly ran and dropped to his friend's side. He began rubbing slow, comforting circles on the boy's spasming back. He wasn't too surprised that the heaves were not producing any real amount of vomit since the boy hadn't eaten in days. When the heaves seemed to be calming down, they started again and this time Lex noticed a small amount of blood in the mixture. Clark noticed it as well and fell back on his butt in shock. 

Lex was beyond frightened himself, but he knew he could not let it show. He had to remain calm and in control for the sake of his friend. He pulled a large white handkerchief from his inside pocket and used it to first wipe the tears from Clark's face and then the vomit and blood from his mouth and lips. Clark took the cloth and used the corner to wipe the slime off of his tongue. Lex saw the boys eyes get bigger as he glanced as the blood on the cloth in his hand. 

"I'm not sure Clark but....the blood....may be from an ulcer. I used to get them a lot whenever I got stressed and didn't take care of myself. You may want to get your doctor to check that out." 

Clark just nodded. All he could do was nod because he felt like he was about to break into a thousand pieces. 

Lex extended his hand to Clark and helped the boy to his feet. Lex felted Clark stumble and grabbed him by the waist to keep him up. 

"Thank you. I'm sorry....I'm falling apart on you" Clark said in a voice just about a whisper. 

Lex remembered Clark saying "not yet", but he had to offer his friend some form of comfort now in his time of obvious need. 

Lex helped Clark get in on the passenger side, shut the door for him, and quickly moved to get in on the driver's side. 

"Clark, you're not falling apart on me. I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but you are one of the strongest people I know. You are an incredibly brave person, and you gladly and without reward or much thanks do anything in your power to help your friends, and I admire you for that." 

"I couldn't save Ryan." 

"That's true. I couldn't save my mother, either. But, Clark, it's not your fault. Just like it wasn't my fault. People we love die, no matter how much we do or how much we want them to live. And it hurts. It really never stops hurting. But we have to keep going...keep moving, because if we don't then how will we be able to tell others about how great those people we lost were and how much they meant to us? How will we be able to keep the promises that we've made to them?" 

Tears were running freely from Clark's eyes by the time Lex had finished talking. They were also running from Lex's--the memories of loosing Julian and his mother gripping at his heart and leaving his chest feeling open and raw. 

Clark was sobbing now, but he didn't care. He needed to let go. He couldn't keep it all in any longer. Clark began to speak through his sobs and tears. 

"I made Ryan a promise. I promised that I wouldn't be sad or angry, but....but I don't think I can do that. Oh my god, Lex...he...he died right in front of me. I watch...watched him stop breathing....I...I..he was so young, so fragile....if I had known about Dr. Gardner sooner...may...maybe he could have been helped by Dr. Burton..may...maybe...." 

By now, Lex had grabbed his grief stricken friend in a warm embrace. 

"Clark, you can't do that to yourself. You can't feel guilty for something that is beyond your control. You did help Ryan. You saved him from those experiments, he got to be loved by you and your parents, and he died knowing you loved him enough to be there for him when it mattered most. Being sad and angry are a normal part of grief, but always remember that when it really counted, you always kept your promises to him." 

Clark allowed himself to accept the comforting embrace and warm words from his friend. Clark felt contentment in the fact that although he wasn't able to keep his promise to Ryan right then, he would be able to some day in the future. 


End file.
